Wanderings – Hot Dog Math and Canadian English

Photoshop-modified OpenAI generated image of many hot dogs in a pile. I think Photographer’s jobs are safe for now.

Getting behind the wheel of a car and going for a drive has always been fun for me. Ever since I received my driver’s licence, having a car meant freedom. The open road, arm out the window, good music on the radio, the wind flowing through what’s left of my hair – escape.

Sadly, a busy week meant I spent way too much time driving from place-to-place-to-place. When this happens, the car is not an escape, but rather a place I sit and wonder about too many things. Often this helps with planning out work things. Then there are times when my mind begins to wander about – not off the task of driving – but about little things.

One thing I wondered about was why you always come up with the best reply to someone after the conversation ends. We’ve all been in situations – sometimes in conflict – where words are said and more words retort. Reflecting on those incidents afterwards usually yields way better comments than what was said in the heat of the moment. “I should have said XYZ.”

I remind myself of the expression “hindsight is 20/20” and vow to save those words for the next time there is something to be said. “Next time I will be more witty.” Fun fact – often there is no next time.

Why is it that people complain when things are good? Business is up, the owner complains it’s busy. Your child just won an award, graduated school, or got a job – oh it’s just this small thing, or school cost so much, or the job doesn’t pay much. Are we all such downers that we thrive on failures not successes? I was self-employed for a number of years and learned early that you don’t complain about having too much work. The opposite will end your business.

I still don’t understand why hot dogs are sold in packages of 10 now, but hot dog buns are sold in packages of eight or 12. The math to get the quantities to balance is not difficult, but the cost of food is much higher. Couldn’t the manufacturers of both products get together and come up with a plan to align the two. I am constantly trying to convince my kids it’s okay to have a PB and J sandwich on a hot dog bun because there are two buns left over from a BBQ. Food shouldn’t be wasted.

Writing is a big part of my work life, and I strive to get things right as much as possible. When I say things, I mean the language. It annoys me that Canadians – including some teachers nowadays – don’t strictly enforce Canadian/UK spellings and pronunciations. It is still Zed not Zee, many words have a ‘u’ in it like colour, or favour. Of course, none of us Canadians can say aluminum properly.

Still on writing, why is it that 10 people can look at your work and not see a misspelled word. Yet two seconds after it’s printed in newsprint, the typo jumps out and hits you on the head? Not only does it hit you on the head, it prompts emails from readers. If it’s a really noticeable typo, you’ll even get a call from your mother. Always spell check.

Graduation season is on us and parents are off to Grade 6, 8 and High School graduation ceremonies. The time of awkwardly posed photos and ceremonies in stifling-hot gymnasiums. School lets out this week, and I wonder, why do students even go to school in June? No one wants to do anything and most schools don’t have air conditioning. Many teachers hold their classes outside as its cooler outside than in the 1950s-built cinder block sweat lodges we call schools. Maybe school board offices should be relocated to the schools – I bet those schools would have air conditioning asap.

In a community where there are many groups who do things, from car shows to festivals to sports, why is it so difficult for anyone to coordinate with each other? Parks are big, events can share space. Tournaments and games can move around to accommodate most people so they don’t have to choose between one thing or the other. I guess egos are still a thing.

Isn’t strange that large chain stores can sell a product “on sale” for month on end? If the price of that item can be reduced by – for example – $7 for a span of three months, why can’t that chain sell that product for $7 cheaper all the time? Some wanderings don’t make much sense I guess.

This column was originally published in the June 26, 2024 print edition of The Morrisburg Leader.


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