Wit and witticism are part of the standard fare for most writers. There isn’t a writer who I know of who turns down a catch phrase, or turns a blind eye to a funny quip. That goes for those in the journalism field too. That’s why, even though my day job only provides a fractional opportunity to cover the antics of Ontario’s Premier – Doug Ford – I can’t help but tune in for his press conferences.
It started during the pandemic out of necessity. When the world is shut down and everyone is told to stay home, what else do you cover but the local perspective on a global health emergency? That included the near daily online press conferences of Ford. Not that it was enjoyable seeing politicians announce restrictions and so on, but Ford did speak with an “every-man” flare which was somewhat reassuring in an unstable time. Ford’s speech mannerisms are a mix of high school locker room and coffee shop gossip sessions, which some government speak added. Since the pandemic’s end, I’ve continued to tune for the comedy more than anything.
Ford reminds me a lot of radio host Howard Stern, minus the fart jokes and gratuitous innuendo. People who listen to Stern, do so for two reasons: 1) they like what he says; 2) they hate what he says. In both cases, they listen because they want to hear what he says next. Ford is the same way for me.
The best Doug Ford press conferences are the ones where he is angry at something going on. The recent American tariff nonsense has been comedy gold.
“We’re not going to kiss his backside,” Ford said of Trump wanting concessions. “You come at us, we’re not rolling over,” Ford spoke of increasing tariffs.
These are the reassuring phrases that you need to induce a comedic reaction. Like a sub-national entity with 15 million people can withstand the economic force of a country of 350 million people.
During the pandemic, when speaking of businesses alleged to have been price gouging, Ford said, “I’m going to come down on them like a 800 pound gorilla.” I know self-deprecating humour, and Ford certainly over estimates the weight there. I’d say 300 pounds at best.
The funniest comments so far were very recently when he dug deep into the bag of clichés during a press conference near Windsor, where a whiskey-making company is going to shut down a bottling plant next year. That press conference was not only a hoot to listen to, but it marked the progression of Ford from a spoken-word funny man, to physical comedy.
On the job losses, Ford say the company executives were a “few fries short of a Happy Meal.” Note, I like McDonald’s Fries and I suggest checking the bag for loose fries in this case just to be sure.
Paying homage to the late Hulk Hogan, Ford offered a threat to the multi-national alcohol company. “You hurt my people, I’m gonna hurt you.” If only Randy “Macho Man” Savage was still around to hear that phraseology. It may have inspired another title belt run.
“Smart people aren’t too smart,” Ford continued about the French executives at Crown Royal – stating the obvious.
“You guys are about as dumb as a bag of hammers.” Well, after such forceful rhetoric, how could the makers of Crown Royal not back down from their plans? Even after he poured a bottle of that product out on the ground. Slapstick at its best.
Listening to Premier Ford’s comments evokes a sense of joy I have not heard from many politicians – regardless of what level of politics they are in. These Ford-isms are great for taking the seriousness out of the 24-hour news cycle. Remember these for the next time you have to argue with a seven-year-old, or you need a laugh.
This column was originally published in the September 10, 2025 print edition of the Morrisburg Leader.
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