Wanderings – Following to my own advice for once

I dislike public speaking. I’m a writer, not a speaker. I like to stay behind the camera taking photos, not go in front of them. Speaking in front of others is to draw attention to yourself; I prefer for the attention to go somewhere else. It’s not just that I dislike public speaking – I don’t think I am good at it. While we push our kids that the only way to get better at something we’re not good at is to practice more; I treat this as a ‘do as I say, not as I do’ moment.

Last week, I had to shake off my fear of public speaking to pitch a funding ask for an organization I am involved with. It was a daunting task. I wrote my speech in an hour, practiced it a few times, and when I got to the venue – waited in the car. I was early, hands clutched to the steering wheel, wondering if anyone would notice if someone was missing from the event – no such luck.

Once inside and set up, there was more waiting. I was the first of the six presenters to arrive. Nerves set in, so too did self-doubt. I’d like to say this went away as we got closer to the start of the event – it did not. All the doubting comments ran through my head. I don’t need to repeat those here in print, but if you’ve ever doubted your abilities yourself, you’ll know along the lines of what comments I am thinking about.

I am not sure where this fear of speaking in front of groups came from. In high school I was in a couple theatre productions and was a member of the concert band for a while. I don’t remember any negative experiences stemming from that.

When I was 18, I ran in a provincial election – while still in high school. During that campaign, I was on stage often with a political heavyweight and even landed a few good points. Other than the bruised ego of losing to Bob Runciman, there were no negative issues there – at least none that I was told about.

My career has taken me on many different paths including having a weekly on-air segment on a morning radio show and some radio reporting. Still nothing there.

On the soccer pitch, I have no problem coaching players, calling plays, and telling them what to do. But place me on a stage in front of a couple hundred people, and it’s an entirely different thing. Maybe it is the lights, the open stage, the podium, or the combination of all of it? I don’t know.

But I got through it. I had to speak twice actually. I went off script from my speech and that made me feel better on the stage – more natural. The lights on the stage were bright, so it helped block out individual audience members. One of the hosts said I should receive a bravery award. I believe that was more for the nature of the ask in relation to the audience in attendance rather than my public speaking ability or lack thereof.

The second time I got up to speak, there was no script, just talking. It went well – I think. Our group wasn’t successful in the funding ask I presented – that is not a failure though. I think it will all work out, hopefully.

Talking to others in attendance after the event, they all commented that I spoke well on stage. I still have a bit of doubt in the back of my head but I have no reason to disprove those whom I was talking to. The whole experience got me thinking back to the advice I have given to my kids. Maybe I should listen to my own advice more often.

All that said, I am happy the speaking opportunity is over and I don’t plan on seeking more speaking opportunities anytime soon. But it also means I won’t shy away from any that happen to cross my path either.

And if I have to do this all again, I will think back to the advice I’ve given others, and follow it myself.

This column was originally published in the May 8, 2024 print edition of the Morrisburg Leader.